what i really miss from hkg. i think they'd make the flu go away. i've just been saddled with the tall order of managing a p5 class. eve does 5A, ms na in 5B and me in 5C. i know ms na's more than willing to help but i have no idea what i'm needing help in currently. and of all times to fall sick. the last time i needed to use a nasal spray, you were with me. things are happening twice over aren't they. and now i've learnt to deal. or learning. as the case may be.

thank God for friends at school. jo's in green and angie's in purple. angie's my neighbour, next table to me. we have a grocery system list. jo's in charge of beverages and chocolates. i'm getting cereals and granola and angie gets vitasoy (we all get one everyday, she buys by the cartons) and granola bars and pretzels. it's a lousy system. since we'd all just buy whatever whenever :)

because i have them, friends and not just colleagues, that smile and silly pose is gonna be forever on in the next two years at least. i really do hope. :)

things never happen the same way twice. auntie wan yee's said it. brendon's said it. now azlan says it. they never really do. it was a watch, it wasn't you. we had a confrontation. it didn't end up working out. it was hkg again, this time i cried less. i took a break again. wasn't tokyo this time but london. have you ever considered that this is really not the right one for you? at least right now? that the right here right now. is about getting my life in order with God and finishing my bond properly. the past few days have been so tiring. but they've been good. time out with brendon is always good times. i never fail to feel blessed. he listens, he shares, he advises. and above all that, he loves. never selfish. the right here right now. i've people around me whom i love to run to. :)

i have a cap face! lol. i finally found a cap that doesn't make me look horrid. yay. sigh. it's like something that you always believed and now has been proven to not be true. not that it's a bad thing in this case. but just like in general. lots of things. santa claus, people close to your heart. *shrugs. we had people clapping today at main after we did prince of peace. the feeling of singing it was awesome. but the songs before that got me thinking. about how i am undeserving. yet my king should die for me. the lion in narnia. my head doesnt stay on my head much. my thoughts bring me to places i don't really comprehend. and i zone out a lot. i've had people nudge me too often these few days. auntie wan yee says it's normal. it's an anniversary feeling. those two words. are just ironically painful. i stayed over last night. because it's not healthy to be home alone. mr tomato isn't my best friend no more. stuff toys who have a perpetual smile. *shakes head.

what happens when you realize the memories you packed up to leave, have come home along with you? jetsetting was great. packing, unpacking to pack. and unpacking for a while yet. if i had the chance to change things. you'd be that one constant change.

i love this. :) happy birthday daryl. for being your ever perfect self. you'll never know how much i liked being walked to church. even though it was a terrible rain and we had to take off our shoes to dry off at service. i liked hearing you sing behind me at church. for loving mushrooms and my breakfast box. the girlfriend hy was the best. exam stress and there i was announcing my arrival one day in advance and she didn't even sweat it. she minded me not for watching topchef, using adium, meeting all her friends, watching les mis together while she still had her last paper., going to markets... and making london possible. :) ten days. ten days to be alone. to seek God. to hear Him. to feel Him. to draw near. to rediscover my childlike disposition to life. to leave the past behind. to move on. to forgive, to release. to leave the world behind. it was too tall an order to fill. i came home to see it shatter to pieces. to have that shakey feeling inside that was reminiscent of the worst times. returning the box was painful. getting another. was the last thing i ever wanted. i really ever wanted. it made me scared. it made me angry. it made me want to cry. it made me ever so sure. that this is not what i want. and it made me frustrated. that it's you i'd still go back to. i don't know why God put me through this. i really could have done without it. but i hope and believe in His promises. jeremiah 29:11 is true. God cannot lie. i'm thankful for hongkong. it's me time and mummy time. and grandpa. things are the same. exactly the same. i left for hongkong broken. this time. it's for healing. i hope and pray. that I'll come back happy. that His joy will indeed be my strength. that things. will fall into place. hold me in prayer. please. :) x